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We've been close companions for more than 20 years, who has faced and conquered numerous hardships, and I respect her for that. But, she has been repeatedly blindsided by others. Her spouse ended their marriage, and it was a huge shock. A lot of her social circle vanished at that point, because they seemed focused solely on the spouse. She was stunned by her. She put in increased attention to be my friend, likely grasped more acutely what friendship was.

A Recurring Theme With Friends Drifting Away

In the time since, several in her circle vanished and she isn't sure why. Her previous job became hostile, although she had been an excellent employee, her exit happened not understanding the reason for the change.

How Things Stand Now

Recently, we've both left the workforce leading to more frequent meetups, yet I realize the part I play in our friendship is to listen. I open discussion points and she changes them to things she cares about. Politically, she expresses strong opinions. My effort is to recommend double-checking information or other angles.

She's been planning a holiday abroad I've visited repeatedly and lived in previously. My intention was to share advice, however, my input not welcomed. She really just desired validation of her plans. I recently come back from four weeks there she hopes to reconnect, yet I'm reluctant.

Weighing the Options

I am unwilling in this role who cuts and runs without explanation, however, I feel she'll truly understand the consequences of how she acts on how I feel about myself. At this point, my state is pulling back. What should I do?

Possible Paths

It's possible to cut and run, but it is rarely the peaceful resolution that we desire. But confrontation with the goal of resolution requires bravery and readiness for each of you.

Professional advice indicates using a useful conflict resolution tool:

"Step one requires explaining what typically happens when you talk. Aim for this to be as factual as possible like exactly what occurs. The second is to tell how this leaves you feeling. This allows for no argument here. Emotions are your feelings, naturally. Step three is to ask how you are both can shift the dynamics in your relationship."

Keep in mind your friend has her own side, meaning you must to remain ready to hear that. One effective method involves stating her:

"It's your turn to speak and I promise to listen without interrupting for a set time."

It's wildly impactful to encourage mutual respect.

Key Takeaways

This person may dismiss everything, as some people cling to a deep-seated story: they have a version about themselves they're unable to abandon since their identity relies on it and it represents they trust. It's tough when there seems no clear path in such cases, just dead ends. Yet she could at first react this way before reflecting about what you've said. If you don't achieve an agreement, it provides satisfaction knowing you were open and direct.